Why are we attracted to those who refuse us?


PSYCHOLOGY – It can be a game of seduction. But such attraction can also hide low self-esteem, or unrealistic romantic expectations …

Why do some dating advice sites recommend capitalizing on the low self-esteem of potential partners by feigning indifference? Well… because it works, even if one can doubt the solidity of the romantic relationships born from this potentially predatory strategy.

But who are the people attracted to individuals who seem to deny themselves, and why do they find it attractive? “There are several types of psychological profiles that promote attraction to people who seem indifferent”, indicates Sébastien Garnero, clinical psychologist in charge of teaching at the University of Paris V.

In very rare cases, it is the mistaken belief – “delusional” in the jargon – of being loved that leads to attachment to a truly indifferent person, often of higher social status or in a envied position. “This is a pathological profile, which is often associated with an erotomania in passionate and paranoid delusions”

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