Why friendship sorrows can hurt us so much

PSYCHOLOGY – In friendship as in love, we can find a soul mate … and lose it. Sometimes at the cost of a sadness that has nothing to envy of the greatest heartache.

Because it was him, because it was me», Said Montaigne about his friend La Boétie. Obvious, indestructible friendship? And yet … It may happen that one day, the alchemy no longer operates. And when a dear friend walks away or gets angry, the grief is sometimes more intense than during a breakup. Our disappointment is at the height of what we gave, of what we hoped for from this relationship: unfailing support, a stability that we hardly find in our romantic relationships … A bit like “I’ll be there for you“(“I’ll be there for you»), The credits song of the legendary Friends series which, twenty years after its original release, is still all the rage.

For the American sociologist Jan Yager, the myth of the friend for life has thus replaced that of “love always”. “Under the influence of a very pro friendship tone has arisen the fantasy of eternal friendship, even as the idea of ​​eternal marriage has become an unrealistic reality.

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